Living together can feel simpler and safer than marriage, especially if you’ve watched your parent’s marriage come to an unhappy end. But is it?
Living together means you are free to leave. You are free to leave if either of you is seriously injured or is diagnosed with a life-altering disease. But so is your partner.
You are free to leave if your trust is tested. And it will be in almost every relationship, married or not. There is nothing binding either of you. You are free to leave without ever learning how trust gets rebuilt. Or how it gets stronger at the weak spots.
You are free to leave, in most cases, without judicial interference or protection. For this reason, you must always, while together, protect your assets, your future income-earning ability, and your parental rights. This protection will affect your relationship, your children’s relationships with each of you, and your ability to grow as much wealth as married couples can.
You are free to leave. And the government is free to compel you to testify against someone you love if they get into trouble with the law, whether they are innocent or guilty or just foolish.
You are free to leave. If your partner’s next of kin chooses, they are free to take someone you love and all that they own if your partner is incapacitated or if they die. And to make decisions about your shared or step children that your partner never would have made.
Marriage means giving up some of your freedoms. The law in your state or country will dictate the circumstances under which you can leave and who gets what parental rights and obligations. It will also protect your financial interests if you pooled your assets or reduced your future earning ability to boost your spouse’s or to allow yourself time to heal from an illness or injury or time to care for a child or parent who needs special care.
Marriage protects you financially if your spouse dies and when you retire, even if you divorce before then and your spouse earned more than you were able to.
Marriage also declares the two of you to be a legal entity and, depending on who marries you, a religious entity. And while some will try their best to violate this to steal one of you away from the other, it’s a lot less likely than it is if you’re just living together.
I still think it’s the better bet for anyone seeking freedom and safety. For me, the benefits keep getting better as we and our marriage grow older. What do you think about this? Let me know in the comments. Thanks!